Ulillillia Wiki

Ulillillia at his computer, gaming.

Ryan Evan Kadrian (born Nick Smith, 10 January 1984), better known by the internet handle Ulillillia, is an American author, programmer, video game enthusiast and internet eccentric from Minot, North Dakota who rose to notoriety in the early 2000s. He maintained a personal website (now defunct) called Ulillillia City detailing his life as well as a YouTube channel (also defunct).

Name and pronunciation[]

The name Ulillillia (often left uncapitalized, as ulillillia) originated circa 1998 as the name of a character in Smith's story "The Story of the Wonderful Adventure III". He registered a Hotmail account with the name in 2001 and began using it extensively as a username, as it was inevitably not taken. Ulillillia considers the name appropriate for himself because it contains the word "ill" twice and he is severely mentally ill.

"Ulillillia" is properly pronounced /ˌʌl.ɪlˈiːl.i.ə/ ("uhl ihl EEL ee uh"), and Ulillillia himself always pronounces it this way. However, because of its doubled l's, fans often pronounce the name /ˌʌl.ɪlˈɪl.i.ə/ ("uhl ihl IHL ee uh").

Ulillillia's life[]

The tale of Ulillillia's life is an interesting one.

Early Childhood (1984-96)[]

Ulillillia was born in 1984 in Florida but moved to Minot, North Dakota the following year.

Ulillillia does not remember much about his early life, except that he has played video games obsessively since age four. Due to his fears and his tendency to associate video game dynamics with the real world, he was bullied ruthlessly. However, Ulillillia's good heart drove him to concern for his fellow classmates and often went out of his way to remind them of the dangers of the world. On his school bus, he found it appropriate to review the dangers of blue water to the other children. This eventually grew to a point that the bus driver told him to "drop it" every time he started in. Lunch in his school was difficult as well. The children were required to eat at least three different foods at lunch to ensure that they received the proper nutrition. Ulillillia disliked this rule and protested by consuming only eight cubic centimeters of food per lunch. This is also when he developed his fear of waiting in line, due to the frequent bullying he experienced.

Middle School (1996-99)[]

Ulillillia attended Erik Ramstad Middle School from 1996 through 1999. In sixth grade, Ulillillia began taking special classes to suit his specific needs.

High School (1999-2003)[]

Freshman year in Ulillillia's high school was a miserable time. The bullying and harassment he received in ninth grade was far worse than what he experienced in previous years. After freshman year, he transferred to an entirely different special school. However, this special school also ended in complete and utter failure. This was when Ulillillia began having homework mailed to him, which also did not work. As a last resort, he began taking special one-on-one classes during after school hours. He managed to keep this up until graduating.

He received a high school diploma in 2003.

After graduation (2003-18)[]


Ulillillia in Duluth, MN in 2008

After graduating, Ulillillia spent most of his time in his room, working endlessly on his new video game. His spare time was spent playing the same video games repeatedly and occasionally updating his website or posting on internet forums. He aspired to one day be a game designer.

In December 2012 he moved to Fargo, North Dakota, where he worked as a part-time caretaker at Goldmark Property Management.[1] In August 2015, due to "extreme stress and misery" resulting from financial instability, he returned home to Minot to recover.[2]

In 2016 Ulillillia traveled extensively around the United States. Upon returning home he had a strong desire to leave North Dakota for good and began working as a cashier at Walmart Minot in order to save up money. In 2017 he obtained a driver's license, something he had previously considered implausible, and acquired a 2017 Chevy Cruze.

Florida (2018-22)[]


Ulillillia's former Facebook profile picture, uploaded December 2018

In August 2018 Ulillillia moved to New Port Richey, Florida, a seaside town north of Tampa, and began working at Walmart Oldsmar as a Cap 1 Associate. Ulillillia no longer documented his life and interests as intensively as he had previously done, but he continued to be active on Facebook and Patreon.

In May 2020, Ulillillia quit working at Walmart due to his phobia of COVID-19 face masks. Since then he has been unemployed and severely agoraphobic, not even leaving his home to buy groceries. In May 2021 he began working on a new game project called Baricanna. Later that year he launched a Patreon page to fund the game's development and keep himself financially afloat.

On December 2021 Ulillillia announced his intention to leave his apartment in Florida and move in with a friend in Oregon. He planned to make the cross-country drive in early 2022 and described his plans in great detail on his Patreon page. Because his mask phobia prohibited him from staying in hotels, he planned to stay with friends where possible and to camp out where he had no other options.

Oregon (2022-present)[]

In April 2022 Ulillillia drove from New Port Richey to Tillamook, Oregon, where he currently lives. Ulillillia and his housemate worked out an arrangement in which Ulillillia did not have to pay rent but his housemate was allowed to use his car.[3][4]

On February 28, 2023, after six years of "delays and close calls", Ulillillia completed the process of changing his name from Nick Smith to Ryan Evan Kadrian.[5]

Despite putting in many job applications, Ulillillia was unable to find a suitable job in Oregon. On March 20, 2023, he announced that he would be moving back in with his parents in North Dakota in May.[6]

Fears and aversions[]

This section is based mainly on Ulillillia's website and may be out of date.


  • Mirrors - Ulillillia's most famous fear. Ulillillia cannot stand directly in front of a mirror. This has often forced him to make long detours when walking places.
  • The number 22 - Ulillillia considers this number to be unlucky.
  • "People" and "person" - Ulillillia cannot speak, write or type these two words. This fear originated suddenly when he heard the word "people" used on a cartoon at a young age. He does not normally mind hearing these words used by others, although in school he felt obliged to scratch the words out whenever they appeared in textbooks.
  • Chairs - Ulillillia refuses to sit in chairs and prefers to sit on the floor. Benches and booths are acceptable, however, as are seats in moving vehicles. This fear only began after he left high school.
  • Stairs - Ulillillia does not walk up stairs but scales them as if they were an insurmountable hill. This also involves a catapult-like use of his backpack, which might provide him with inertia. Allegedly, he has no trouble going down stairs, and no trouble with stairs whatsoever in his Mind Game.
  • Unfamiliar silverware - He cannot use silverware with a widening handle. He can only use forks, spoons, and knives which have a straight handle.
  • Spotty dishes and dirty clothes - This is a very common problem for people with OCD.
  • Waiting in line - This fear originated in elementary school. Ulillillia was bullied frequently in school, so he tried his best to avoid having anyone behind him in line in fear of being harassed from behind. He allowed anybody who got on line after him to take his place.
  • Whistling - Ulillillia cannot handle the sound of a person whistling. To the best of his recollection, he believes this is because he was forced to whistle during a song in an elementary school music class, much to his disdain. If he hears a person whistling, he will request that that person stop. If they continue, he will ask one more time. If the person continues to disregard Ulillillia's compulsive needs, he will leave earshot.
  • Bicycle riding - Ulillillia has mentioned in passing that he is afraid of riding a bicycle.
  • Masks - Ulillillia is terrified of the cloth face masks which have become ubiquitous during the COVID-19 pandemic—both of wearing them himself and of seeing them on the faces of others. This has caused him to once again become effectively unemployable after several years of holding down a job.


  • "Blue water" - This fear originated from video games. Ulillillia believed that if he were to enter any body of outdoor water (e.g. swimming pools, puddles, lakes, oceans) he would die instantly. Indoor sources of water (tap water, bathtubs, etc.) were considered "white water" and were perfectly safe. This fear was overcome when Ulillillia attended summer camp one year and was convinced by a camp councilor that water would not kill him. When questioned why he didn't realize water would not kill him when he saw other children swimming outside, Ulillillia believed that they possessed a "special ability" that protected them which he lacked.
  • Ketchup/Mustard - This fear also originated in video games. Due to their colors being similar to lava as it appeared in Metroid (which would kill the player instantly), Ulillillia associated the two and believed that if he were to touch it, he would die. As with blue water, he assumed anyone who ate ketchup or mustard also had a special ability to survive it. This fear has since been overcome.
  • Sunlit ground - At one point in his childhood, Ulillillia equated sunlit ground with lava and believed it would kill him.
  • Grass - He often related this in his mind to video game "spikes." Playing at a friend's house, Ulillillia recalls being knocked down into a grassy area. Believing he would be killed, he remained still in the grass to await his fate. This is also how he overcame the fear.
  • Shadows - He believed shadows were enemies, and making contact with one would cause him to lose "health." In the school yard, he often found himself running and jumping about to avoid being touched by people's shadows.
  • Showering - Ulillillia has stated that he dislikes showering but would be willing to do it on a regular basis if he had sufficient motivation such as work. For a time he showered as rarely as three to six times per month. While he was employed at Walmart he presumably showered regularly.
  • Driving - For much of his life Ulillillia believed that he could never learn to drive because he would involuntarily lapse into his Mind Game while behind the wheel. In 2017, however, he obtained a license.


When it comes to food, Ulillillia is quite picky. He used to eat a wide variety of foods in his younger years, but as he aged, his menu narrowed. As of today, his diet consists of:

  • "Degreased" cheese pizza (mostly frozen but occasionally fresh): 88%
  • Hamburger Helper pasta without the beef: 7%
  • Snack foods (chips, cookies, crackers, etc.) and dry cereal: 4.5%
  • Other (mostly candy and bread products): 0.5%

He has been a vegetarian since 2005. Although he likes cheese, he seems to dislike milk and butter.

Ulillillia's favorite beverages are lemonade and flavored water. He has not had a soft drink since 2004. He is extremely adverse to alcohol or "poison", which he has never tasted.

Due to Ulillillia favoring artery-clogging food, he has gone through problems with his weight. At age 18 in 2002, he weighed approximately 220 lbs. In response, he began using a technique he calls "degreasing." From then on, before consuming his pizza, he would take several napkins and use them to absorb the grease from the pizza. Ulillillia lost 85 lbs. from this process.

Ulillillia normally eats only one very large meal per day.

Sleep cycle[]

During high school Ulillillia began to have trouble sticking to a 24-hour sleep cycle. After graduating he fell into a cycle lasting about 25 hours and 40 minutes. In the 2010s he made efforts to return to a 24-hour cycle in order to work a regular job and seems to have been fairly successful.

Sexuality and religion[]

Ulillillia has said that he has no interest in romantic relationships, marriage or children, chiefly because of the financial costs involved. On the whole he shows few if any signs of a sex drive.

Ulillillia is "almost completely nonreligious" and does not believe in an afterlife. As a child his refusal to say prayers before meals occasionally got him into trouble with his parents. Under the "Basic Information" section of his Facebook profile he describes himself as a Christian, noting that he is "[r]arely involved with" the religion but does own a Bible.

Creative works[]

Ulillillia has self-published two novels, The Legend of the 10 Elemental Masters (2009) and The Secret in the Basement (2015). He has also been developing various computer games, most notably Platform Masters and Baricanna.

The Platform Master[]

Ulillillia is the subject of The Platform Master, a documentary by indie studio Everything Works. Filmed in the summer of 2011 and originally slated for release in 2012, it was delayed and ultimately canceled, and it was thought for a long time that it would never see the light of day. A director's cut of the film was finally released on Youtube on 31 December 2019 and can be viewed here.

External links[]